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Ken Thom
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  • Maryville, MO
  • United States
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Ken Thom posted a blog post

Being a Mother Tip #7 - Being present and mindful

     Challenges make it difficult to be present and mindful with your child.  Fear causes us to regret the past and obsess about the future.  Ever done that?  All of us do.  As human beings we live our lives largely in memory and imagination. We are either remembering the past or imagining the future.  Physically our bodies are present, but our minds are elsewhere.  Take a few deep breathes and focus.  Try to be fully present in the moment.  Try to be fully mindful.  This can be very difficult…See More
yesterday
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Ken Thom posted a blog post

Being a Mother Tip #6 - Increase quality time with your child

     I recommend that you start to make special opportunities to be with your child by learning the 10-20-10 strategy on a regular basis.  Here’s a formula to follow.  You spend 10 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes in the afternoon, and 10 minutes in the evening with your child.  These are special opportunities to be with your child.  These opportunities are to just listen without judging, blaming, or shaming.  Validate whatever your child is saying and feeling.  Validation does not mean you…See More
Monday
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Ken Thom posted a blog post

Being a Mother Tip #5 - Reverse negative neurological feedback loops

     You can reverse negative feedback loops by interrupting your child’s stress cycle.  This will help you connect with your child. Begin by exploring what is contributing to the negative neurological feedback loops within the family.  You need to identify your negative reactions to your child’s behavior.  Begin to understand what in your past triggers this negative reaction.  Understanding this is critical in developing secure attachments with children.  You need to have an understanding of…See More
May 17
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Ken Thom posted a blog post

Being a Mother Tip #4 - Be slow to anger and quick to listen and to forgive

     James 1:19-21tells us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” and ready to forgive (my paraphrase of verse 21).  I recently found a new perspective for forgiveness.  The Daily Word (paraphrased), April 18, 2012 thought for the day:  “I give the gift of forgiveness for the blessing of peace of mind.”  Forgive is the combination of the words give and for.  Ask yourself what you would be willing to give for peace of mind.  Would you be willing to give up pain and…See More
May 14
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Ken Thom posted a blog post

Being a Mother Tip #3 - The three phase intervention

     Use the three phase intervention to help connect with your child.  The three phase intervention consists of reflect, relate, and regulate.  Reflect:   How am I feeling right now?  It is not OK for a parent to say to a child ‘Tell me how you feel” unless the parent has examined his or her own feelings.  When you connect to yourself, you can communicate in a secure way.  Relate: While you’re breathing say “I feel ________ right now, and I need to know how you feel”.  Your child may not know…See More
May 10
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Ken Thom posted a blog post

Being a Mother - Tip #2 Look for Healing Opportunities

     Challenges bring with them great opportunities for healing and re-connection. Interrupt your child’s stress cycles.  Breathe in and get past your own fear.  Become emotionally safe for your child. Respond in love and you will send positive energy to the places that need healing.  Emotional regulation through love promotes healing.  Help your child become refreshed at the cellular level.  Your part in the healing process is to create a safe environment.  Your part in the healing process is…See More
May 7
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Ken Thom posted a blog post

Being a Mother- Tip #1 Use the power of your relationship to be influential and not controlling

     Bruce Perry says that the heart of humanity lies in our relationships.  Everything we learn, we learn from relationship.  We are neurobiologically designed to be in community and relationship.  We are designed to respond, to reach out, and to seek other relationships.  Without relationships we are physiologically at risk.  If we are not in relationship we die.  God’s model is that He loves us first so we can become loving.  Then as parents we must love our children so they can become…See More
May 2
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Ken Thom posted a blog post

Jesus Heals Shame

    It’s important in this journey to separate religion from spirituality.  Religion is the way that you practice your spirituality.  It is a structure through which you demonstrate your faith.  Religion is made by man.  Therefore it is flawed.  All too often, our perception of spirituality and faith is damaged by religion.  Therefore, it is important to look past religion to what you believe in.  You may need to review the articles on forgiveness when religious and other human experiences…See More
Apr 30
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Ken Thom posted blog posts
Apr 28
Ken Thom posted a blog post

Love Heals Shame

     A big stumbling block I find in most shame-based people is their lack of understanding of God grace.  If your shame blocks you from being able to receive the full measure of God’s grace, then read the January 2012, Love in Action Newsletter @ Newsletter Archives.  God’s gift is already given.  It is there for you to take.  John 19:30 NIV - Jesus hung on the cross and said “it is finished”.  His work on the cross gives you permission to throw off the bondage of shame.   His work on the…See More
Apr 26
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Ken Thom posted a blog post

Faith Heals Shame

     As you begin this process of healing, you’ll begin to feel the love of Jesus.  Shame will cause you to doubt this love. Shame will block out the power and the love of God.  Shame will block out the healing grace of God.  That is why encouragement from other believers is so important.  Reading the word of God will help you understand the new information needed for your paradigm shift.  The Bible is full of God’s promises and words of encouragement.  I’ll begin with Jeremiah 1:4-5 NIV -…See More
Apr 23
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Ken Thom posted a blog post

Hope Heals Shame

     Shame tells us that we are sinners with no hope. Right now, I’m telling you that there is hope. You may be in a place where that is hard to believe. All I am asking is that you be open to the hope that is available. This will take a paradigm shift of whom and what you believe in. This will take a paradigm shift of where your security is based. Any paradigm shift is overwhelming. Paradigm shifts are not events. Paradigm shifts are a process. Many times I find my personal spiritual journey…See More
Apr 19
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Ken Thom posted a blog post

Grace Releases the Bondage of Shame

     You may be in a desperate place in life regarding a relationship. You may be in a desperate situation in regards to your http://bit.ly/y9WOUQfinances. You may be desperate in both of these areas. If you are there now, it is because you have relied on yourself. Even though self-reliance hasn’t worked in the past, you have continued to do so. That is all part of your self-defeating, shame-based cycle. There are numerous accounts in the Bible of people being…See More
Apr 16
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Ken Thom posted a blog post

Grace Heals Shame

     God’s grace is necessary and sufficient to take release us from the bondage of shame. You are probably asking, how can that be? The apostle Paul says that ..."in great endurance; in troubles, hardship and distresses; . . ."yet we live on". We are alive not dead, we are rejoicing and posses everything. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Corinthians%206&version=NIV…See More
Apr 12
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Ken Thom posted a blog post

Affirmations Help Heal Shame

     Affirmations - positive self talk - are a useful self motivation tool.  Identify the negative shame messages that are conditioned responses to situations in your life.  Replace them with uplifting, positive messages to yourself.  There may also be certain people, places, and events that you need to stay away.  Part of your self care is not exposing yourself to shame producing stimuli.  Obviously you may not be able to avoid everything that produces shame in your life.  However, there are…See More
Apr 9
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Ken Thom is now friends with Ronald M. de Leon and Marcia
Apr 3

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Tell Us About Yourself
I specialize in assisting individuals, families, and children in trauma or distress. I’m a nationally recognized Christian counselor and published author. I use Scripture and Biblical truths along with the Post Institute Stress Modelä to put love into action to heal relationships. I’m a parent and grandparent, in my free time, I support faith-based community efforts, youth and men's ministries at my church, and serve on the Board of Directors for the Academy for Christian Education.

Ken Thom's Blog

Being a Mother Tip #7 - Being present and mindful

Posted on May 24, 2012 at 2:00pm 0 Comments

     Challenges make it difficult to be present and mindful with your child.  Fear causes us to regret the past and obsess about the future.  Ever done that?  All of us do.  As human beings we live our lives largely in memory and imagination. We are either remembering the past or imagining the future.  Physically our bodies are present, but our minds are elsewhere.  Take a few deep breathes and focus.  Try to be fully present in the moment.  Try to be fully mindful.  This can be very…

Continue

Being a Mother Tip #6 - Increase quality time with your child

Posted on May 21, 2012 at 2:00pm 0 Comments

     I recommend that you start to make special opportunities to be with your child by learning the 10-20-10 strategy on a regular basis.  Here’s a formula to follow.  You spend 10 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes in the afternoon, and 10 minutes in the evening with your child.  These are special opportunities to be with your child.  These opportunities are to just listen without judging, blaming, or shaming.  Validate whatever your child is saying and feeling.  Validation does not mean…

Continue

Being a Mother Tip #5 - Reverse negative neurological feedback loops

Posted on May 17, 2012 at 2:00pm 0 Comments

     You can reverse negative feedback loops by interrupting your child’s stress cycle.  This will help you connect with your child. Begin by exploring what is contributing to the negative neurological feedback loops within the family.  You need to identify your negative reactions to your child’s behavior.  Begin to understand what in your past triggers this negative reaction.  Understanding this is critical in developing secure attachments with children.  You need to have an understanding…

Continue

Being a Mother Tip #4 - Be slow to anger and quick to listen and to forgive

Posted on May 14, 2012 at 2:00pm 0 Comments

     James 1:19-21tells us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” and ready to forgive (my paraphrase of verse 21).  I recently found a new perspective for forgiveness.  The Daily Word (paraphrased), April 18, 2012 thought for the day:  “I give the gift of forgiveness for the blessing of peace of mind.”  Forgive is the combination of the words give and for.  Ask yourself what you would be willing to give for peace of mind.  Would you be willing to give up pain and…

Continue

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